Sung to the tune of the classic nursery rhyme “Do You Know the Muffin Man?”

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Recorded for (1:36): https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/92osp3juqcgpfjnb3y4cv/23.10.2025-02.33.30.mp3?rlkey=zec5ti3ym6ct9zcti7208ym0e&st=csiep4ud&dl=0

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Oh, Do You Know Which Fork to Use?

Oh, do you know which fork to use
Apperatif, an oyster quiff
Oh, do you know which fork to use
When spearing a flambe?

Oh, do you know the language of
The escalating price of love
Oh, do you know the language of
The label of the day?

Do your shoes show the slightest scuff?
We thought as much — and sure enough
You’re made of inferior stuff
So must the Piper pay

The skills you have are useless, man
You’re finished before you began
Unless you act uncaring can
Regards our dismal day

Don’t show plebian sympathy
For beasts who by extinction be
Eliminated (naught but three
Percent remain today),

Concern yourself with ancient trees
Or chemtrails killing all the bees,
Don’t hate the plastic in our seas
Please hesitate to say

All of those inconvenient
Embarrassing things in your rant
They make us think, and we just can’t
With thinking be okay

We want to buy the party line
Call it benign, and feel just fine
You ought to have a glass of wine
Do you like Chardonnay?…

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The poet/editor of this website is physically disabled, and lives at a fraction of her nation’s poverty level.

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