Why is it that every time somebody makes this poet giggle lately she ends up writing about food? Last time, her readers will remember, it was “Sometimes, You’ve Just Got to Have a Pancake!”

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Recorded Reading (1:47): https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/rnpv6gr8j3xr5q792etwg/Landmines-on-the-Dinner-Plate.mp3?rlkey=cd7ntqhcmc3y1mwei1bwdctpk&st=s26cfuat&dl=0

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Landmines On the Dinner Plate

Oh, those pesky cherry tomatoes
Landmines on your dinner plates
Everybody’s got a story
To which everyone relates…

Like the fabled “bouncing Betty”
Lurking ‘neath a salad green
No one’s ever really ready
Place such ordnance in between

Masticating mandibles
At any civilized event:
Everywhere but on your palate
Squirting liquid payload went!

You hopefully weren’t placed at lunch
Near uptight femininity ~
Up tight enough to be suspended
After aerial assault will be

Nor will you qualify, after,
As your hostess’ fond delight
Bites her tongue, or she’d remind you
That tablecloth once was white…

Not forgetting we must mention
That moment of tabled tension
When the startled ingenue
Thought ’twas blood upon her shoe

Placed her hand her forehead to
Fainted dead away, she did
Unable contemplate it to
In sweet Morphius’ arms she hid

O the invoices to clean
Fabrics sheer as water
Outer, inner, in between ~
The ladies rise to slaughter!

Next luncheon, enjoy the decor
And musician’s ballad ~
Whatever you do, don’t enjoy
An ultimately risky salad

For if you do, before the meal,
You will have cause to worry
Because you know that after it
You’ll be “very sorry”!

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