This very thoroughly targeted poet has rarely entered a store anywhere in this nation at any time in the last five long years which has not been contacted as she drives into its parking lot with “warnings” as to her supposedly nefarious, thieving, confrontive and violent nature (generally, its business association will have been similarly outreached to also) ~ engendering the endless psychic unpleasantness of unremitting in-store surveillance by those who imagine themselves to be conducting it undetected by herself.

It doesn’t take long, as you can imagine, for this dance to get very tiring.

As the poet actually finds outlet in none of the above listed tendencies ~ she does so in humorous poetry instead…

*****

Recorded Reading (1:59): https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/e8h3ss6tb97ppcjvz34h1/vewwy-mystewious-shopper.mp3?rlkey=mapjbwwlgc8ovp4egpqvvpxux&dl=0

*****

vewwy mystewious shopper

you make me laugh, you really do
you make me wish i were a thief
so i could pull the wool on you

you wear no outdoor jacket
carry no keys or supplies
stand there and mess with that packet

then come here and mess with this
neither one of them an item
sends your type into bliss

casting glance suspiciously
totally inappropr’iately
at terminally honest me

you have this way your interest lent
because i freely move about
am dressed in something different

wear an expression interest
of, and, too, intelligence,
compare to see which product’s best,

and which displays some sort of lack:
unembarrassed afterward
to put the other back

while the people whom to haunt
you are paid are over there ~
the real miscreants that you want

are looking just as ordinary
as they absolutely can
attempting invisible be

and by their efforts they have earned
free license this store pillage to
as far, my friend, as you’re concerned

convinced you are that these belong
the right side of your roster on,
sure such as they will do no harm

methinks the crime that you abate
extremely miniscule must be
your post must have a high turnover rate

forgive me if i see no harm
continuing my merry way
though it causes increased alarm

your under-cover face display:
how may i further inconvenience
suspicious you today?…

*****

This poet presently lives at a fraction of her nation’s poverty level.

Arts patrons may visit http://www.UgiftABLE.com , using code 72D-31S. It will take about two weeks for the poet to be notified of your patronage.

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